Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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