Kiss
Puke
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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