is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Is it because I queefed?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
