One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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