I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
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THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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