And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
