The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
