also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
