Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
