I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
