Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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