I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
