I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
