im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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