Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
