im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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