Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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