i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
