wanna go halves on a baby?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
