If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize