I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
