I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Oh god it's open bar.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize