My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
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