I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
