I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
