just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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