True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
