okay pat passed out under dana's car
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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