last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
