I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
