She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
