Its about making memories worth repressing
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
