Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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