We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
