someone threw a dead crab at me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
