she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
