What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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