I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize