I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
