When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
