Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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