I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
