I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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