I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
