At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
