his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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