So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
