I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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