the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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