he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
