I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
