i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
