Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
