Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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