Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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