so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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