yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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