I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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