My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
