dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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