12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
