we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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