I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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