This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
operation harelip BJ is a go
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
