Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize