BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize