I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
