i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
