I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
