There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
